Final thoughts

I realize that this post has been a long time coming...but since I promised to do it, I am finally forcing myself to write down some final thoughts about my experience in South Africa. It's very tempting to just let all of those thoughts float around in my head and not actually take the time to make any sense of them, never mind articulate them in a blog, but I'm finally facing that task. Seeing as the majority of my blog "audience" will have dissipated a month after the fact, it is likely that the main purpose of writing today is to tie up some loose ends for myself. But if you're interested in hearing a few final insights/musings/ramblings, read on!

I spent my last week in South Africa in Cape Town, about a 2 hour flight west of Mthatha. This served as a nice transition to prepare me for North America, as Cape Town reminded me much more of home than it did of Mthatha. I found myself surrounded by white people who spoke the same language as me; the neighborhood I stayed in was affluent with every modern amenity; we drove down the street without getting honked at or swerving around double parked cars. All very "normal" and it was interesting that culture shock happened for me mostly while still in South Africa instead of when I got home. Evidence of the extreme diversity of South Africa that makes it a unique place. Cape Town was great! I was welcomed into the home of a friend-of-a-friend and was blessed with their company and hospitality. A highlight of the week was climbing Table Mountain--it was a challenging climb up 3000 ft, but was well worth the hike full of beautiful scenery and the exhilarating feeling of being at the very top of a mountain! Another highlight was my trip to the "District Six Museum". District Six was an area of the city during Apartheid that was declare for whites only, forcing all black people to move to the townships and burning down all existing buildings. The museum honours the people who lost their homes and community, and it was very interesting to learn some more about the history of South Africa. I especially liked how this museum focused on the personal aspects of Apartheid. The floor was covered with a map where previous residents of District Six come and write their names on the spot where they used to live. It really brought to light the way real people's lives were affected, and was an eye opening experience.

When the time came to fly home, I was ready to go. My excitement about returning home had momentarily taken over my sadness of leaving, though I tried not to let myself get too excited as I still had 30 long hours of travel before me. My flight from Toronto to Winnipeg was one of the best feelings I've ever had--I honestly couldn't stop smiling for the final half hour of that flight as we got closer and closer to the Winnipeg lights. My facial muscles ached from the amount of joy I was experiencing! Just as I had imagined over the past 3 months, my family and friends were at the bottom of the escalator to greet me, complete with a neon poster and balloons. It crossed my mind that I would normally feel embarrassed in such a situation, but I was much too happy to care about the stares (and Mthatha made me quite accustomed to being a spectacle of attention). The first few days of being home were a wonderful time of catching up with the lives of the people I care about and recovering from jet-lag.

As I had been warned by others who have gone on similar trips, one of the most difficult parts of coming home is that people don't give you enough opportunity to talk about your experience. It's not that they don't care, but it's a reality that my time away was indescribably more significant to myself than anyone else, and while I could probably relate every situation back to something from South Africa, I assume that people prefer that I don't, so I try to keep my "well in South Africa..." comments to verbalizing them only half the amount of times that they cross my mind! Rarely do I have the opportunity to take a conversation beyond "How was South Africa?" and "What are you doing now?" and sometimes I long for good questions that facilitate for deep thoughts. Though I have enjoyed the opportunities I've had to share with the staff at MC Canada and at my church.

Now that the initial joy of being home has worn off, I'm starting to notice some of the things I miss. In particular, the people--Jenny, Sarah, Jesse, my Bible Study group, our patients at Itipini. I think of them often and wish it were possible to visit. Some days I long for the green mountains, blue ocean, and warm sunshine. I wish I could hear people speak Xhosa and have the chance to improve my language skills. I miss sharing communion each week at my Anglican church and experiencing Christianity in a new light. I want to hear the music I came to love and see the faces of the children and friends I loved.

Leaving those thing behind left me with many empty spots. Thankfully, some of those spaces are being filled. It feels very good to be so close to my family and friends again and I had almost started to forget how much I love the people in my life in Manitoba. I can appreciate being surrounded by a different kind of beauty, like sparkly snow and glistening icicles. Instead of having fun jumping in waves, I can enjoy jumping in snowbanks and going skating. And I must admit that there are many benefits of being surrounded by English speakers, which at first I found so novel I was tempted to eavesdrop on conversations all the time just because I could understand what was being said! I'm enjoying the spiritual nurture that comes from being back in an English, Mennonite church. I don't think I've ever paid as much attention during a sermon as a do now, and have a new appreciation for comprehensive abilities! These aspects of my life in Winnipeg by no means replace my life in Mthatha, but definitely help in filling that void. And for all those spaces that still feel empty, I at least have pictures and memories to draw on. Everyday I'm reminded about something from South Africa and can smile to myself about those little things that have meaning to me and aren't understood by people here.

I found that I had a bit of a delayed reaction to all that I experienced. About a month after the fact, the injustice of life in Itipini all of a sudden hit me. It makes me sad to think the struggles people are facing, and it makes it so much harder when I think of specific stories and particular people who, to be perfectly honest, live pretty crappy lives. Coming home to a life of love and safety doesn't seem fair when I think about the people I left behind, and I wish that my friends in Itipini could know the goodness of life that I do. I'm struggling to come to terms with what God is up to in this broken world, and feel that much more powerless now that I'm back in my comfortable, easy life.

A few words on what I'm up to now, since that seems to be a popular question: The truth is, I'm not up to a whole lot of anything! It's such a change for me to not have constant challenges and learning in my day to day life as I did during my time away. While I was used to a very relaxing lifestyle, I'm having a hard time letting myself feel relaxed at home and find myself quite restless and have regained my need to be "productive" and have tangible accomplishments. I'm searching for a job and hoping to find a position where I can extract some sort of meaning. I also have a lot more decisions to make in my life, particularly career related in getting to a point were I can commit to perusing further education in one direction or another.

In closing, I want to thank you, my wonderful supporters. This trip was an incredible experience that has no doubt impacted me for life. Your comments on this blog, emails, photos, letters, phone calls, money, prayers, and words of encouragement have not gone unnoticed. Now that I'm home, listening ears and thoughtful responses have been a support in my transition. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I seek what it means to serve and be a disciple in a new context. And please don't forget the people of Mthatha--I can't begin to describe all the needs that exist, so please simply keep them in your prayers. Once again, thank you for walking with me throughout my Adventure in Mthatha.

Sala Kakuhle (stay well),
Claire